Vernon S.A.T.
(Survival Aptitude Test)

Dr. E, Scientific Test Preparer

[Link to Answer Key]

You will have three hours to complete this three-part examination of your aptitude for survival in Vernon NJ society.
An answer key is provided.
Any score of less than 100% correct answers should be viewed with great concern.

I.   True or False

1.  Evel Knievel said he would not drive any vehicle on any road in Barry Lakes.

2.  In the time it has taken them to site a police radio tower, Vernon officials could have located the Ark of the Covenant.

3.  On Saturday mornings, having a car subtracts from a Vernon resident's mobility.

4.  Vernon residents plan their weekends around trips to the bank (Sat.) and to Home Depot (Sun.)

5.  Yard sales are fundamental to the Vernon Way of Life.

II. Multiple Choice

1. Which of these people would you be most surprised to see in the audience at a Town Council meeting?

A) Environmental activist
B) Real estate developer
C) Expert representing environmentalists or real estate developers
D) Business investor or proprietor
E) yourself

2. Which of the following would be an atypical expression for a Vernon resident?

A) "We must preserve our town's rural character."

B) "Our town would be a better place if we had sidewalks and more places to shop."

C) "Traffic? You call this 'traffic'?"

D) "Vernon should look more like Warwick."

E) "Forget Jeopardy, I'd rather go to the Planning Board meeting."

F) "You can be sure that Eugene Mulvihill is behind this [insert scheme] somehow."

3. In the future, which of these people will make the most money in Vernon?

A) Lawyer
B) Doctor
C) Real Estate Broker
D) Laundromat Owner

4. To a Vernon politician , the words Compromise, Consensus and Cooperation hold what meaning?

A) pack the committee with our guys
B) politician's Punishment in Hell
C) p.r./campaign buzzwords
D) For Sale
E) All of the above

III. Bonus Questions (Master level)

1. Who is this beautiful Vernon celebrity?

2. In what Vernon community is this street sign located?

3. What is the name of this local monster, and where did his actual photo frequently appear?

End of Test

Answer Key

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